Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize