my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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