i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
