Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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