made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
