My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize