the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
