addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
