All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
