I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
