haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
