i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This baby is an asshole
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
