i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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