I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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