you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
