Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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