Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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