Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
