Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
