singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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