if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
