Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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