there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
