We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
