my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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