Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
