he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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