There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
