I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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