The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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