FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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