Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
