i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
