im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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