i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't notice because vodka
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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