Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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