At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
