how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
