i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
