Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
