I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
