Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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