First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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