Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
