grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
