that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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