This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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