Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My ATM looks so different sober.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
