could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
