I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
