you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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