so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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