i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
