i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
