I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
