The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
