Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
