it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
false alarm. still invincible.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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