Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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