im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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