And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
