Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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