I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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