I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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