She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
