those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
