if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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