White coat. Heels.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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