Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
