Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
