I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
