i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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