You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
