I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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