Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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