I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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