When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize